Saturday, 25 August 2007

How soon is now?

Had to leave the house after putting the boy to bed. Lump in my throat so big it was stopping me speaking. Eyes welling up. Couldn't let the wife see and puncture her relentless positivity.

The boy didn't want to do much in the morning. But auntie coming cheered him up. He told auntie he loved her and gave her a big hug. When she left, amazingly, he walked down the road with her, holding mummy's hand.

He was worn out when he got back. But after a rest we made biscuits. Felt conscious that this might be the last time. Noticed today that he is favouring his right hand. He can still move the left but can't grip things very well. By bedtime he was utterly worn out and floppy. Was just too much for me to bear.

What to do? What will happen? How soon? Will he suffer? How much does he understand?

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