Grey clouds

The boy had a good sleep but was very lethargic during the day. For the first time he seemed to be aware of things he could no longer do.

On Thursday, I left work early again. The boy was relatively active. But I was very, very weary. I had to make apple and custard pie with him. First time I've made pastry in fifteen years. Turned out pretty well. Bathtime was again a battle field. The boy wanted to do more cooking, so didn't want bath, didn't want tapes changed and didn't want to go to bed.

As I didn't go to work on Friday, I looked after the boy. He had a good night but was yawning after he woke up and didn't really want to get going on the day. Fine by me as without the adrenalin from work to get me going, tiredness and sadness just washed over me.

Granny came over, which encouraged him to get going. But his left side is pretty immobile. He was trying to crawl away from Granny but could barely manage it. And for the first time he looked a mixture of irritated and uncomprehending as to why he couldn't manage it. I guess he hadn't taken notice until now as his various hospitalisations have periodically affected his ability to do things for a while. But most of the time he is good humoured. He even said "I am happy" when we were playing with the animals.

Granny is going away for a few days and predictably got upset when she said goodbye. Again asking me if he would be alright. I wasn't going to pretend it would be.

Left the wife with the boy while I went to buy some jeans. I only had one pair and those were 'distressed' way beyond anything fashionable. The wife as upset when I got back as she seemed only to have just acknowledged that he can't really do anything with his left hand.

After more TV watching he decided he wanted to go to the shops. And for the first time that day looked truely animated, reeling off a list of things to buy. Most of them related to recipes he wanted to cook. He was very good in the shop, telling me what to get next and paying the assistant. He retained his cheerfulness at bathtime, even trying to follow a modified version of his old active routine. Gave me a nice kiss goodnight and waved me off, so Mummy could read him a story.