Wednesday, 23 May 2007

Nowhere to run

Looks like we've reached the beginning of the end. The meeting with the Big National Hospital did not give us good news.

Saw the consultant oncologist with the wife today. Felt sick beforehand in anticipation of bad news. Luckily, we didn't have to wait long for the appointment.

The news from the US is that they do not recommend re-radiation. Added to the advice from the other hospital that they don't recommend gamma knife radiotherapy means that the consultant advises we are no longer looking at any options intended to be curative. Sickening but unsurprising news.

Options now are:

- do nothing, on the basis that this maximises our chances of having him healthy and out of hospital for most of whatever time he has left

- wait for the tumour to grow and put him on an experimental chemo protocol which might extend his life but reduce the quality of that life and mean some period in hospital

- try an experimental chemo protocol now for six months. Can be given at home but means he is on chemo for the whole period with no breaks. And have the risk (certainty?) that reduced immunity will mean spending part of the time in hospital with one or more chest infections.

No good options. Not sure what to do - both of us oddly unemotional and flat. Will take the weekend to think about it. Problem is that he can't be left with family or friends because of the trachy. Means we are restricted to the evenings to discuss it. Never a good thing to try to discuss such difficult things after a tiring day and so close to bedtime.

Hard to go to work, go to the hospital for the meeting, go straight back to work to a meeting with people asking for decisions on this and that.

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