Monday, 5 February 2007

Dance of the mad - feet on heat

One of those days that threatens to push you over the edge.

You wonder if you really are going nuts. Not "nuts" in the lazy, "I'm so wacky" sense. But "nuts" in the "Has the balance of my mind been affected?" sense. Blogging may be "like counselling but without the patronization and impossible-to-keep appointments" but it doesn't come with medication.

Absolutely shattered from the two horses running in opposite directions that are work and trying to look after the boy while the wife was ill. Too much duty, to the boy, to work, to the wife. Nothing left for me. No way to recover over the weekend.

Felt resentful that auntie had invited us and Granny over for lunch so I would get less time to myself. How mean am I?

Grouched around aunties like a bear with a sore head. Played a bit with the boy but otherwise behaved pretty unsociably. Just wanted to be left alone.

Then the boy threw up. I went into panicky parent mode (vomiting is often a precursor to illness, especially as his last chemo was a few days ago). Took his temperature. Whilst waiting for it to be ready, Granny comprehensively put her foot in. She said "I'm sure he's fine. I've had two children". She tries to be helpful but there are times when her near denial that there's anything wrong with the boy is not only unhelpful but actually upsetting as well. I snarled "And how many times did you have to call an ambulance when we were little then?". Couldn't bring myself to talk to her after that.

The boy's temperature was actually fine. After a bit, we took the boy home. He looked peaky on the way back. When we got in, we took his temperature again. It was high. Going to hospital high.

As he had no other symptoms, the hospital said to wait an hour and re-do his temperature. We did and it was 0.1 degrees away from going to hospital. In the meantime I was banging my head against the wall. Not sure how much more I can take unless there's a break between illnesses. Another night in hospital at the moment doesn't bear thinking about.

We managed to keep him home overnight. His temperature went up and down but never over the magic 38.0 degrees. His secretions have changed colour which is a bit worrying. Got some sleep but not much. Always expecting to have to leap into action and get him to hospital.

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