Friday, 5 October 2007

Daydreaming

Time continues to move on with an unreal quality.

Generally calm today. Visited a friend as I occasionally did when the boy was in hospital and I had the morning off. But then came the smack in the face of the visit to the funeral directors. Horrible having to get together shirt and trousers for the boy's funeral. Prepare a last vest and get a clean trachy nose. No socks or shoes as he never liked them.

Felt sick as I walked there past a park we went to only a month ago and where he asked for a bike for his birthday. I knew then that it was unlikely I would have to deliver on the promise. But the finality of it still hurts. Watching with emptiness and yearning the kids playing on the climbing frame that the boy favoured. Unable now to go in the park - adults not allowed unless accompanied by a child. And I'm not a parent anymore.

3 comments:

Crash Calloway said...

You are a parent. You'll always be a parent. I do know what you mean. Take care. x

Peter said...

My Son Grant first informed me of your blog and I have followed yours and 'The Boys' story for some time now. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your wife and we can only hope that your story has given strength to others in the same position. I canot imagine what you are going through, but I thank you that in some small way you have allowed us to participate in the final months on your sons life and we can all feel sorrow that a small child had to suffer in this way. I know he was able to draw strength from the love and tenderness of his parents and you have in many ways enriched our lives by allowing us to share your story.

Mrs. Bick said...

You never stop being a parent once you are one. You will always be the parent of one very loved and special little boy, no matter the circumstances. Wishing you peace in these heart-breaking times.